I’ve been looking at sitting and writing the next part of my Radical Self-Love course, but have been stalled at this section.
Boundaries and Self-Parenting
I know it needs to be in there, it’s one of key lessons – learning what it looks like to fill those voids for yourself and show up for yourself. Eliminating any need for co-dependancy.
And it’s a lesson that’s a forever lesson.
We will continue to fall back onto default behaviour patterns and then need to reparent our way out of them.
I have been stalled at writing this part because I am doing a fucking shit job of it myself right now.
Yesterday’s ridiculous hangover served me up a new lesson that I am ready to face and that is that I need to break up with alcohol.
Maybe there will be a time where I can have one or two and get away with it – but right at this moment it’s gotta go.
I spent 9 years completely sober.
All of the physical abuse I have ever suffered was at the hand of alcohol induced people, and for those 9 years I chose that I wouldn’t take part in a culture that I saw perpetuating so much damage.
My life was also boring as shit through those 9 years.
I was lonely, unsocial and a slave to my home.
So when I moved here to Mildura, a year ago, I married my freedom with a freedom to enter the world of alcohol again and get loose.
Because I had conditioned myself to a story that for me to have a social life there needed to be alcohol.
When I had no alcohol, I had no social life after all.
When I have had the most fun in my life it was when I broke free from my first abusive partner and lived it up as a single woman throwing the best parties in town. I even converted my shed back then into a dedicated party room.
But in this space of healing and working on radical self love for myself, I can see clearly that that doesn’t have to be my story any more.
I am a confident woman, I am fun and encouraging and pretty funny even without alcohol.
I am ready to rewrite the script and have solid boundaries for myself that loving myself does not look like trashing my body and making poor choices.
And that choosing to remain sober doesn’t mean I’ll be lonely again.
Dry July (and likely beyond) for me is going to look like me still attending the functions I have said yes to, me showing me that I can still have a blast sober, probably even more fun because the fun won’t be married with regret, remorse and a wasted day recovering the next day and rewriting this script that I am only loveable when I am the fun one.
The work is always about calling myself out on my own bullshit, and remembering it’s my job to save me and if I don’t want alcohol to be a major factor in my future relationships then that relationship needs to start with me- right now.